17 – Dark Scary Road To Mr M

It is safe to admit that we all do things that maybe you should think twice about. Sometimes it works out even with fear flowing through your whole body. But what if we didn’t take a risk here or there? How would you say your life has turned out?

Thank you for finding this post blog, if you have never read any of my personal story, feel free to read the first to get an idea of what has been said and what is to come. Find the first post here >>> 1 – All Over The Place

The Game

All while I was using the Internet to temporarily fill a gap in my life by meeting random guys, there was another guy I was chatting to. For specific reasons we will call him Mr M. I really enjoyed our conversations. However after the first guy I met from a gay “dating” site, who was chatty, charming, all in which I fell for to only settle for love that lasts before dawn, I instantly put my guard up. Since that first time, I kind of caught on to this same-sex attraction game. Most gay guys are sweet talkers, knowing that 80% of the time it would work to get someone in bed to get off on just having sex or doing sexual things. Then instantly they become bitter and immature after the actual meeting part. I started to become cynical, so for someone to get me to trust them, they would need to at least keep talking to me after the initial meet.

The Drive On The Dark Road

After a few weeks of video chat with Mr M, we decided to meet. He asked if I could meet him at Sandy Creek, and I agreed even though I had no idea where this place was. I looked up where the destination on a map was and drove the 45 minutes to get there. Driving along and coming to complete darkness where all you could see was what the car lights were shining towards. Getting closer to the destination, a build up of trees started given me an unnerving vibe. If you saw this place in the daytime you wouldn’t think twice about it. But it felt like I was entering into a horror movie. I saw a little tiny white sign, which read ‘Sandy Creek’. I pulled the car over to the side admittedly feeling scared. I kept the car running and the doors locked. I then messaged Mr M to let him know I have arrived. He asked where I was parked. I replied with ‘the only car in the darkness with the lights on, what about you?” He wrote back that he was by some building. This puzzled me, as I could not even see a town light in the distance. I straightaway got upset and angry and thought this guy had just played me. A fool I was again. I described where I was to him. He responded saying he knew where that was and I have come to the wrong place. You see it was my mistake (which I didn’t believe until I checked it again once I returned home). The area I went to put us at least 50 minutes away from each other. He decided that we would call it off tonight and try again the next night.

Although once I got home and confirmed he was right, I still felt like he played me. I did not at all expect to hear from him again. Who knows maybe he even thought I played him somewhat. I decided there and then that I would not bother to contact him again, I was pretty sure that we would never catch up anyway. By the time I got myself in bed I wrote it off as ‘another one bites the dust’.

To My Surprise

The next morning was same routine. Wake up and shower, bong, coffee, cigarette, bong, then see what happens. I didn’t work very often at this stage; I was just a fill in for the wineries. I would usually have a beer in my hand no later than 12pm to help kill the boredom. But for some reason this day I told myself, “Have a day off drinking”. I could not even believe myself that I spent that whole day sober. But lucky I did…

I got on to Gaydar to chat to guys. I noticed I had a notification. To my actual surprise I had a message from Mr M. I was only surprised, not excited, I had learnt not to get the hopes rolling. “ Hey Phil, sorry about last night. I would still like to catch up? I figured out where you were last night, let’s try this again and will meet there.” While both my heart and head were telling me that ‘he would not arrive again anyway, he will just play you for the fool’, I agreed.

Not The Usual Random Meet

I once again drove through the scary Blair Witch looking area; I pulled over in the exact spot as the previous night. Surprise, Mr M is not there yet. Feeling like it was Ground Hog day I text to let him know I arrived. He informed me that he is 10 minutes away. Still with doubt on my mind, my doors locked and car still running, I saw lights in the distance coming towards me. This car got closer and closer until it slowed down and parked behind me. I decided to hop out of my car after seeing his more new and shiny one. I didn’t want him to be in my car, I would have been embarrassed.

As I approached his car, he jumped out of his and started to meet me somewhere in the middle. My heart was racing with nerves and fear due to the darkness only allowing me to see an outline of a tall slim man.

We formally introduced ourselves with a handshake. We went into his car and sat straight in the back seat. Then suddenly the unexpected happened. We talked and talked and did more talking. This guy I had a good feeling about. Even though we were sitting in the back of his car, I felt no pressure to do anything sexual. But then it was becoming close to us having to leave. He leaned in towards me, and then he started to passionately kiss me. Then cock a doodle boom, the night was over.

The Hopes Started Once Again

On the drive back home I was recalling most things he told me about himself. Mr M was 34 ten years older than I was, employed at a University, a Christian and churchgoer. Then all of a sudden, the perfect thoughts stopped when I remembered that he has not come out yet. I was somewhat confused when he mentioned that he was afraid of the thought telling his family especially his parents. However he felt more terrified if the church was to find out that he was gay. I didn’t judge nor did it bother me that he was no out. We all were in the closet at some stages of our lives.

He constantly started calling and texting me everyday. I felt something new come over me. It turned out that I started to get my hopes up that we might actually meet again. I became very happy when Mr M and myself started seeing each other as often as we could.

But would he turn out like the rest? Would he treat me good? Does he know how much I want to move to Adelaide? And would he mind helping me get there? The next couple of years with Mr M had ups and they certainly had the downs…

Till Next time

Phil.

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Written by Phil Paterson

I have been a Community Support Worker for the last four years. I worked in the Mental Health Sector and now currently working with people who have Aquired Brain Injuries in Disabilty. I studied to be a worker in the community, as I myself haven't had the best life. (Although now my life is much better). So I decided to attempt to write my real life story of trauma and abuse, drugs and alcohol, love and loss. All which led to depression and anxiety. Apart from my story I plan to write about everyday important issue that co-inside with my blog.

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