When we are in any relationship whether it be love or friendship. We all feel we can trust the people that have let us in to their life. When you have done nothing but being honest with that person, it hurts a lot more to find out they were hiding a secret. You feel foolish and confused. However it would be safe to say that, first offence is usually forgiven. In my case it is never forgotten.
The First Time Not Having To Hide
Feeling like I was finally home, I was able to be the person I have been hiding. However trying to be the person I didn’t actually know how to be turned out to be quite an experience. Although I must admit, I was happy that I could finally Identify that I was gay without guaranteed retaliation. The Mars bar was a good place for that. I could walk in, drink and talk to random people if I wanted to. However, although I started knowing who was coming in and out, got to stay behind when the club closed to keep drinking. I feel I wasn’t making the friends I needed to. It was only in the Mars Bar I would socialise with these people. Mr M would never come with me, however he didn’t seem to care I was out partying on my own. However, It was probably best that he didn’t. While working at subway, I was going store to store as they didn’t have enough Managers on to manage all areas. Along the hip hopping from each store I met another manager Tara. We automatically became good friends. It didn’t take long to figure out we both liked to party. It also didn’t take long to determine we both enjoyed taking party drugs. I told her I was gay, and she was happy to come to the Mars with me. I definitely felt a lot more comfortable entering the club with someone else, and not just by myself. Even though my housemate was the DJ, we did not really socialise that much, plus he would be working if I was there.
Mr M Would Always Praise and Encourage Me To Go Out Partying
With Tara being there, it boosted my confidence to be how to just be silly, however Im pretty sure it was all the ecstasy we were taking. Everything was warm and fuzzy, and I wanted to just hug everyone. This seemed fine to most guys there, as I am sure they also were taking party drugs. Being in this world for the weekend was most amazing, until I woke up next to Mr M asking me how was the night. I would always answer that I had the best time and wish he would come. I would always own up and was honest with Mr M about the times I made out with other guys or the one time I went back to another guys house to have more than another drink. I was hoping he would get angry, or be upset. Instead he praised me and always asked for more details. A few months being in Adelaide, I was on cloud nine. Mr M invited me to look for houses for him to buy. Once he chose the one he wanted, I was able to stay at his house a lot more now that we could do whatever, whenever. This suited me fine. I have done nothing but waste my money on partying, I still had not bought any furniture for my room. Sleeping in his bed was better than sleeping on that Futon.
The First Secret Of Mr M.
One night we were at Mr M’s place about to cook dinner. He asked me, “Can you go to the shops to get some milk and eggs.” I replied, “Where is your wallet? I would need ten bucks.” As I opened his wallet, his licence was placed in the front spot which was unusual. When I saw it my heart dropped. When I first met Mr M, he told me he was 34. I believed him as he didn’t look a day over. That would have made his date of birth in 1971. Except his licence told me something different. It had on there he was born in 1967. This would in fact make him 38. I quickly grabbed the money and went to the shops not knowing what I was going to do. A ten minute trip to the shop turned into twenty. I had five missed calls and several messages asking where I was and if I was ok.
The Confrontation Which I Obviously Believed
I returned back to the house, still not knowing what I was going to say or do. “Are you ok?” He asked. “yeah sure” I replied. Mr M knew something was up with me as I would have display a confused, upset, ugly, grumpy face over dinner. I went to shower after we ate while he was watching TV in the living room. After the shower I went straight to bed without telling him. He called out “what are you doing” he started sounding a little frustrated, as he is now definitely sensing something is wrong with me. He entered the room and saw me lying in the bed. “Phil, there is something wrong, and you need to tell me.” I then went on confronting him about my finding. What pissed me off more in that moment was that he didn’t seemed shocked, or felt he did something wrong. His answer was simple. “Phil, I liked you so much I didn’t want you to not like me because of my age.” He knew age was no barrier for me (well give and take that is). It was the fact he had kept this lie going for so long. “If you are keeping a secret like that from me, what else are you hiding?” I felt betrayed, I would tell him everything, the partying, the guys I would hook up with, (there was not that many at this stage), everything. It took me a while, but then I got over it. I was in love with this man. Well, as I thought, I was more dependant on him then anything. But I didn’t realise that then, I thought that this was a real relationship.
Deciding To Be More Serious, But…
Over the following couple of months he would tell me he loved me and he could see our future, and that one day soon I could permanently move in with him. Because of this, I still went out partying as he encouraged it but I stopped hooking up with randoms. I thought that if he is serious I have to become serious about it too. We would spend a lot of time together. I even insisted I stay on the nights he encouraged me to go out and have fun.
However a soon I found out the reason he did not care much for me hooking up with those guys, while encouraging me to go and party. The way I found out though was not a nice way, it was rather embarrassing and hurtful at the same time…