23 – Tricked Happiness

The feeling that it brought. I was not only taking it like this again, it was the first real-time I took it for a different reason. It felt amazing to be relaxed and in a safe place,  knowing that I wasn’t just doing it to be awake and aware of my surroundings.

It’s funny how even though you think and feel you’re in a better place. It can only take one thought or feeling you have about someone to bring that all to a halt. You will never realise at first. However, eventually you will. 

Meet Danny

blog 23 insertThere was music, dancing, drinking, laughter and fun that was happening. All of us were drunk and stoned and at that moment we had no cares in the world. On the dance floor of the Commonwealth pub peeping through the spots that were lit in the dark room from the DJ lights, I saw him. Dancing like no one was around. Dancing like he is obvious and forgetting he was in Port Augusta. What happened to me in THE HEAT OF THE CUBICLE had not occurred yet, however I was always cautious about being myself anywhere I went in this town. This free feeling man danced closer and closer. We caught each others eyes many times, smiled at each other and gave each other the flirty eye look. He finally made his way over to me and said in to my ear, “You are hot and I want to kiss you”. As much as I wanted to as well, I stood back, being to afraid for people to see something they are not used to. He then kept dancing around the dance floor and then bam; I never saw him again that night. Yes, that guy was the Sexy out there Aboriginal man Danny. Sure I seen him around town before, but that was the first time he approached me and put in any interest. Unfortunately, I found out that Danny had a boyfriend so that put a damper on things. Even if he was to try to woo me again I felt I would have declined.

After A Few Years Here He was Again

When I met Danny again years later in Adelaide, Crystal was off with her new man Ron somewhere, and I went to the Mars Bar high on Meth and Ecstasy. I couldn’t believe my eyes, there he was again, on the dance floor. The only difference was, we were in a place that accepted us and it didn’t matter how we looked. We locked eyes and without a thought I approached him. “hey you what you doing here? I haven’t seen you in years.” Im smooth I know Hehe. He replied with something but it was so loud with the pumping music and everybody yelling and screaming on the dance floor. I suggested we go upstairs to the beer garden for a drink and smoke. He then told me he is staying in Adelaide for a while before he moves to Queensland. We could both tell we were high on meth. We were speaking for 10 minutes which felt like an hour, I just leant over and kissed him. “I wanted to do that on the dance floor in Port Augusta that night but I was to scared,” I told him. He smiled and said, “We are not in Port anymore,” he grabbed my hand and made me follow him downstairs and straight into the toilets. What happened next I will leave to your imagination. Once the club started to close, I called Crystal who wasn’t far and she and Ron came to pick me up, and yes Danny came to.

When we got back home, we got more Meth out and shared the pipe around. Danny and I then went to my room to hang out, talking and laughing and making each other feel good. He asked me “is smoking the only way you take meth? Have you ever banged it before?” Banged meaning using needles. I told him the truth, “Yeah I used to bang it all the time, but no one here knows I did. I have only been smoking it since been here.” We both were also pretty sure Ron used the needles as well. Danny was also very honest with me about his usage and how he preferred needles. “I don’t care how you do it, but while in the house and if Crystals kid is home, you wont be doing any of it.” He agreed.

Insert 2 blog 23

Tricked Happiness, Falling For Temptation Through A Man

It was a really good night, I was happy, Danny seemed to be a good bloke, and we really clicked and had a good time together. That good, that when we walked out of the room around 8am, Crystal was gone to work and Ron was there in the lounge room. All Ron said was “fuck boys, wish I had some ear plugs.” We made coffee and all sat to chat. Danny straight out asked Ron about banging. He firstly denied it. He must have thought I would tell Crystal. Danny and I both called ‘Bullshit,’ and opened up how Danny does and I used to. The next thing, Ron took out three clean needles. While he started to prepare them for us three to bang it, my mind was going 100 miles an hour, thinking of ways of saying no. By the time the needles were ready, my mind was made up and accepted I it. Us three banged it in our arms at the same time. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t amazing. The feeling that it brought. I was not only taking it like this again, it was the first real-time I took it for a different reason. It felt amazing to be relaxed and in a safe place,  knowing that I wasn’t just doing it to be awake and aware of my surroundings. Five minutes after we all took it. I grabbed Danny and lured him into my room again, where we stayed for a few hours. I did not care if Ron needed ear plugs or company. Danny and I was off our face and just fucked and fucked. (too much info I know, but it was the drug that does it, especially by banging it).

Never While The Child Was Home

insert 3 blog 23Before Crystal invited Danny to move in, I was seeing him couple times a week, mainly on the weekends where I was still at this point promising myself the only time I would do harsh drugs. I still drank every night and smoked weed from the moment I woke to the moment I slept. Even though I liked Danny there was something that I was cautious about, but I could not put my finger on it at the time. It was the same feeling I had about Ron, except the feeling I had about Ron was a lot worse. Crystal seemed happy. Her kid was a rat bag but she was a good mum. Gave her everything she needed, and worked hard. Crystal had the same rule with everyone as I had with Danny, ‘No drugs while her kid is home’. Weed was ok as long as it was outside and out of her way. But anything else was a huge no no.

I was ok with seeing Danny on the weekends, sometimes I would just stick to smoking my Meth through the crack pipe, and sometimes I would bang it with Danny. It didn’t take long for Crystal to know Ron used needles. She didn’t judge him, and to my knowledge she only every smoked it. She stayed firm on her rule about not using while her daughter was home. Danny and I respected that, but one day Ron did not respect it…….

Author: Phil

I have been a Community Support Worker for the last four years. I worked in the Mental Health Sector and now currently working with people who have Aquired Brain Injuries in Disabilty. I studied to be a worker in the community, as I myself haven't had the best life. (Although now my life is much better). So I decided to attempt to write my real life story of trauma and abuse, drugs and alcohol, love and loss. All which led to depression and anxiety. Apart from my story I plan to write about everyday important issue that co-inside with my blog.

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