24 – Exposing It To The Innocent

One thing you should probably know before reading this part, is that, being on drugs is like the title of the first post. Its like being “All Over The Place”. You will notice it; don’t you worry. If you have never read any of my personal story yet, it may be easier if you start from the start. Just press the link in this paragraph. For those who have, then I hope you understand the two stories in one. 

Everything seemed ok. I felt I was in control of my drug use and was excited that Crystal invited Danny to move in with us. He was a fun guy to be around with and now I had someone to keep me company so I never felt like the third wheel again. Danny and Ron would bang meth almost every day, Crystal and I still only used 2-3 days a week, mainly on the weekend. Well, for the short-term anyway. I still had that kind of feeling about Danny though. But I didn’t give that too much energy. Not as much as the feelings I had about Ron, my gut was telling me to be cautious of him. Both Danny and Ron were free to use in the house during the day cause they were the only ones home at the time. If Danny wanted another hit while the child was there, we would borrow Crystals car and park somewhere. It was the rules. Plus I would have hated being one who exposed it to a tiny little human being.

I had just finished work while it was Crystals day off. I arrived home and in the living room was Danny, Crystal and her child. I greeted them and went to my bedroom to get somethings for a shower. I then ventured to the bathroom, and when I opened the door, there he was, Ron sitting on the edge of the bath tub and shooting up. He let out a loud odd noise indicating that I startled him, and because I startled him he missed his vain. My eyes saw red. I couldn’t believe that this young child is in the house that could have easily been the one that opened the door instead of me. I couldn’t believe that the woman he is living with made it clear to everyone about using drugs in the house while her kid was home, and yet here he was. The fact that he went against the number one rule and he didn’t even think to lock the door just in case. I don’t remember the words that were used in the next five minutes, however at the front door where I was forcing him out of the house, I had both Danny and Crystal trying to grab me. They were freaking out, they didn’t know what I just witnessed. We got out to the front driveway, I remember yelling at him and telling Crystal what I just saw. Then I had a glimpse of Crystals kid standing at the front door really upset. I instantly stopped and walked in and went and shut myself in my room. Danny followed. He asked if I am ok, and all I replied with was, “I can’t believe I am the one who has exposed this to Crystals kid”. He assured me that she would not have understood what all the commotion was about. Even still, if I just shut the bathroom door and brought it up later, she would not have had to witness what she just did. Apart from feeling guilt, I still had rage going through my body. The same rage as I got from the Bully Boss. I asked Danny to go and see how everyone was out there, then Crystal came in.

I couldn’t stop being sorry and I was waiting for her to kick me out. However she assured me that everything is ok, that I wasn’t in the wrong and Ron should have locked the door. She proceeded to tell me that she knew what he was doing, apparently he was getting all frustrated, so she told him to go into the bathroom and have a hit. I told her that she shouldn’t have allowed it and told him to wait till I was home and I would have Looked after her kid while they went somewhere, just like Danny and myself would do. I also said that I respect that this was her place and what you say goes, although I am not apologising to Ron.

Things were awkward in the house for a few days whenever both Ron and I were in the room. Until Ron asked to speak to me. We went out back for a smoke while he brought up what happened. I was waiting for him to be an asshole, except he apologised for what happened. I accepted his apology and told him that I am not going to apologise for what I did, however I asked him to make sure he locked the door next time. Things soothed over, but I could never trust Ron. That next weekend, Crystal worked late and her child was away for the weekend. Danny, Ron and myself sat there and banged up. My usage become more frequent to the point i would be awake at least 4 days at a time. I always made sure I smoked it when Crystal was around, I didn’t want her to know that I used needles at times. In fact I didn’t want anyone to know that I used needles to the point that no one really knew until they have read the post when i first started to use . People knew I have had meth and all kinds of drugs but they never knew to the extent of it or how administered them. Even some people didn’t know about the meth at all, people like Ben.

Ben would visit whenever he came to Adelaide, usually we would catch up somewhere for a coffee or lunch, but then he asked to stay a night or two. No one had any objections. There was myself, Ben, Danny, Ron and Crystal at home drinking. The glass pipe was being passed around and even Ben had some. Later that night I started to feel like I was going to pass out, which was weird however the amount of alcohol I consumed it kind of didn’t surprise me. I said to everyone that I’m going to go lay down for a bit. So I went to my room and laid on the bed. I feel asleep pretty quickly. Without knowing exactly how long I was out for, I was woken up from Danny giving me oral. Straight away I grab his head and went to kiss him. It was so dark I couldn’t see a thing. His kiss was really different, he was talking but I was that fucked that I didn’t understand a word. Then bang I realised it wasn’t Danny, it was in fact Ben. Even though with what both Ben and I got up to and the fantasies I had, I totally freaked out. I got up and left the room and went where the usual mob were in the living room. I was still trying to work out what happened that they all asked what was wrong and stated that, ‘It looks like I just seen a ghost’. I told them that I just came out for a smoke, I would not have dared tell them what really happened, I thought Danny wouldn’t be to happy. Ben and I never spoke of that night for a while. Although our friendship never changed or got awkward which was awesome. Still to this day we chat quite often.

I know this part of the story is kind of split in two and all over the place, but that’s what it was like, it didn’t seem like it at the time, but I was all over the place. Except when it came to work. Work was everything to me. Working at subway with On The Run, with praise constantly thrown at me all the time, making money and meeting new people. People like Alison….

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I have been a Community Support Worker for the last four years. I worked in the Mental Health Sector and now currently working with people who have Aquired Brain Injuries in Disabilty. I studied to be a worker in the community, as I myself haven't had the best life. (Although now my life is much better). So I decided to attempt to write my real life story of trauma and abuse, drugs and alcohol, love and loss. All which led to depression and anxiety. Apart from my story I plan to write about everyday important issue that co-inside with my blog.

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