When you rock up to work with no pants on and still feel that there is nothing wrong, it’s time to stop listening your brain and and start listening to the people who are trying to help you. Or at least just be honest with yourself, it all starts from somewhere.
Smash, crash, bang!! My mood seemed to be starting to take a turn for the worst, and even though I was smashing and breaking things at work, it still hasn’t sunk in that I need help. “I need you to get your arse here, there is a problem.” I asked the area manager to come to my store and told her that I just made a mess. She arrived within half an hour. We went for a cigarette out the back, where I was having a mini break down after been awake for a few days. My boss asked me whats going on and why did I break some of the equipment. I thought I was going to get fired. Upset, confused, mad and tired it just came out of my mouth without thinking who I really was talking to. “I am on drugs and I cant handle it any more.” She came to the conclusion that I need to go home and take a week off work. Right then I went home and slept for two whole days.
When I woke up and remembered what just went down, my stupid brain told me that I didn’t get punished and still have a job. Of course I went and got more drugs to be high again. I started at work again, and my boss made her mind up thinking I was ok and that was just a speed bump in the road. Nothing changed, although I didn’t break anything else. I still smoked and banged crack, showing up to work pretending life was amazing and I am the best role model for my staff.
It still didn’t phase me, even after been awake for a week I still arrived to work at least half hour late. My excuse being that I have slept in. I became that tragic, that one day after a few days bender, I walked in to start my shift and for some reason I had everyone stare at me and laugh at me. I didn’t take long to realise I have come to work with everything but my pants on. How the hell did I forget my pants, really? Thank god I only lived across the street. I ran home, put my pants on then returned to work. I just ended up saying that I had a big night and I am massively hungover. It was embarrassing and if that was to happen to me now I would die in shame. However, the drugs allowed me to not care and went on like nothing happened.
About a month later, I had the operations manager come in to see me. The area manager joined in on the meeting. He mentioned that he has noticed I haven’t been 100% lately and he was worried as he considered me to be a valued worker. It wouldn’t have been hard to notice in a store that made one of the biggest sales. I looked at the area manager, and she was looking at me as to not mention anything about drugs. Although, I couldn’t help it. I knew I needed help and she only told me to take a week off. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, and then I just said it. “I on drugs and I need help.” I was shocked at his response.
“I want to help you, we cant lose you here.” We discussed how bad and how often etc. He then went through his phone and wrote down a number for me. “Give this number a call and mention I recommended you to call, they specialise in helping people get off drugs.” Knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford actual help due to my addiction, I told him that I was broke. “Don’t be silly, this is me helping you, and I will pay for anything you need to get better.” I was amazed, someone actually did value me and wanted me to be successful and saw more potential in me than I did myself. He told me to give them a call today. So I did, I let him know that I set an appointment. He said he was proud of me making the first move.
Two weeks later, he came into the store again and wanted to have a meeting. I knew he was going to be angry as I never showed up to the appointment as I’d rather be high at the time, and unfortunately thats what my brain told me I needed, it was telling me that there was actually nothing wrong with me. “Its not going to seem like it today Phil, but this is going to be the best thing that going to happen for you.” I was intrigued. “I know you haven’t shown up to the appointment, and for that we need to let you go.” The disappointment in his eyes stabbed me right in the heart. But I was angry. I stormed off went home and continued to get more high.
I ended up getting a job with another Subway with an independent owner, still enjoying the nasty habit of being high, this time, no one expected it, and apart from lunch and dinner rushes, I worked alone most of the time. In my head at times, I would think of when the Operations Manager said ‘this will be the best thing to happen to you.’ All I thought was, well nothing has changed. I guess what really slapped me in the face and really changed my life forever actually came next….
Have you not heard someone who is trying to help you, thinking nothing is wrong? Let me know in the comments section below.